The Excuse Book Part I




You know they're there. You know people that have used them! They're excuses for everything that has happened in racing conditions. And what's more, they've all happened on Australian Servers. The best part is we've collected them and they're here. Sit back and enjoy and remember the place when you've heard these...



Section – Hardware Problems

  • Darn Wheel
  • !aBadWord!, my glasses just fell off and got stuck under my pedals!
  • Baby left teeth marks in my wheel
  • The washing machine is stuffing my connection
  • The washing machine stuffed my steering wheel
  • Aquarium light turned off and cut the power to my wheel
  • I am having steering wheel problems
  • I am having brake and accelerator problems
  • Momo wheel went off - started the race and started going backwards, collected the wall whilst trying to stay outta the way and got ya on the rebound, !aBadWord! sorry mate
  • I havent got a microphone to use TeamSpeak so I tried to pass anyway!



    Section – Animal Problems

  • Spider on my foot
  • Darn cat got in the way of the peddles
  • Dog tried to bite me on the genitals
  • Cockroach over the foot
  • !aBadWord! fly is buzzing around my head
  • I got bitten by a wasp
  • Cats tail got caught under the brake pedal and it attacked me



    Section – Weather Problems

  • Man it’s hot
  • My steering wheel was too sweaty from the heat
  • I picked up a bad cold this morning when I got outta bed
  • Random weather caused my crash



    Section – Setup Problems

  • Ooops I chose the wrong setup
  • I started the race with my qual set by mistake
  • Blew up my gearbox on the out lap



    Section – Under The Weather Problems

  • I’m tired
  • Started out ok and started feeling worse and worse and had to park it before I took everyone out
  • I'm Sick - got the flu!
  • My toes are cramping up
  • I sneezed
  • I've got a headache!
  • Too pissed to drive properly
  • I farted and it smells so bad my eyes are watering



    Section – Extra-Curricular Problems

  • Sorry about that bud baby was calling
  • My missus just threw my porn DVD at me
  • The missus just called from the bedroom - "I'm naked and I want you"
  • I saw something out the window of my study, and it was a prowler
  • Neighbours just blew up their garden shed (speed lab) and scared the #@*! out of me
  • I got a chubby and it got in the way
  • When the missus snuck up behind me, slipped her long, wet and hot tongue in my left ear, causing me to turn right sharply and bounce off the wall into another car



    Section – All Time Classic Problems

  • I didn’t see you there sorry bud
  • I'm getting old
  • Put my fist through the wall
  • Work roster was to blame for my poor performance
  • Your paint job is sooo cool, I forgot to look where I was going
  • My mobile was in my pocket and suddenly it started vibrating out of control



    Care has been taken to ensure the authenticity of these excuses but the author cannot be held responsible for mis-quoting any of the above. If you feel there is unauthorised material contained on this web-page tough !aBadWord! luck